People, I need advice. It seems I am now a stay at home mom with no baby. I quit my job back in October because I was so sick I couldn't work. For all of October and November I was sick enough that I had no idea of the passage of time. It was just throw up, sleep, wake up, throw up, sleep, etc. It was a good life. Then December came along. In December I started to get more of a break between throwing up and falling asleep. Now that it's January I still throw up every couple of days and I still have to be very careful what I eat due to the raging heartburn that everything besides waffles and milk give me, but I have more time to be normal now.
I hate normal. Why oh why did I quit my job? At the time it seemed like the only thing to do, but looking back I could have asked for a leave of absence! But I thought I'm going to be at home with the baby in the summer anyway, so why delay the inevitable? If there is anyone out there who might be in this position soon, please learn from my mistakes! I am so miserable! I am bored and lonely and have not nearly enough to do. The sick thing is that my house isn't even that clean! It's like the more time I have the less I want to work. It's awful! Horrible!
So here's where the advice comes in: Does it get better once the baby comes or am I going to feel like this for the rest of my life? Does having a baby really change your life enough to keep you busy? I really want to know! Are you stay at home moms happy or are you just surviving like me? And if you have any advice on how I can make my life less miserable than it currently is, please let me know.
P.S. I don't want to be ungrateful, so let me just add, I am sooooooo lucky to be living near my family and near Denae - what would I do without you amazing people? Sorry I'm such a stick in the mud and down in the dumps all the time. Thank you for putting up with me!
14 comments:
I can honestly say that I have not had one bored moment in the last nine months. It may be a little different since there's 2, but seriously, they take up so much of my time. I completely cherish naptime (which is what's going on right now). On a more positive note, there are things that will be exciting to you that you never thought possible- the first smile, laugh, high-five, solid food, etc.- that sometimes you will sit in anticipation of what's coming up. Never a dull moment!
oh, and did I already mention Zantac? It was the miracle heartburn-relieving drug for me. twice a day and I could eat almost anything.
I agree with Lauren that there isn't ever a dull moment. At first I felt like I was just barely surviving because I didn't sleep a lot at night. Then, Calder started to do cute things and sleep more at night. Life got pretty amazing at that point. I can't believe how fast my days go by. I think because I have finite amounts of time (nap time) to get things done around the house I'm more motivated to do it. Believe it or not I don't have as much time to do crafty things. From the outside looking in it seems like I should, but for some reason, I just don't.
I didn't work this last summer and I fiddled around and didn't get a lot done, but now that I'm home with Calder it is totally different. Maybe you should try to take up a new hobby, take a class or decorate the nursery. Ooh, you could come to Chicago! :) I tried to learn web design this last summer, but I didn't spend a lot of time on it and now I wish I had done more with my time. All well. Not only does this comment not flow well, but it barely makes sense and is rather indecisive. Sorry I'm not more help.
Emily! First of all Congratulations! I guess I haven't looked at your blog for awhile. I'm so excited for you. Seriously - it does get better, but you start to realize how important Mother's Days are and why they call motherhood a sacrifice. There is no greater joy than having a child - you constantly feel like your heart is melting.
To be honest though - it was a hard transition for me - going from doing something that you get a monetary reward for, to a seemingly "thankless" job. Cami's right though - it's good to pick up a hobbie or two - and maybe take a class. Do something extra with your time that doesn't get undone or have to be redone in an hour (housework and making meals). That has really saved me.
You are going to make an awesome mom! We miss you and I know things will get better.
So I don't have advice on anything baby related, but I do have advice. The one thing I learned from reading the Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan (I know, how liberal of me!) was that you don't have to give up your identity to be a stay at home mom. Have hobbies, do things that you like to do. Take time for yourself. You don't lose your identity with a baby, you just expand it.
Right now might be a great time to do things that you love that you might not have as much time to do when you have a little one at home. And that doesn't have to mean cleaning the house!
Apparently you just need to have more babies right away. I was talking to a friend about this the other day & she said with one at home she was bored, but once she had more she got more & more busy & now she's never bored. She does have 4 kids now, but she said once the 2nd one was old enough to play around things got better. So just keep having babies!
oh & p.s. let's sign up for a class together or something. Ben keeps pushing me to do that. OR we could take some kind of road trip??? Just girls of course... plus babies.
Before I had Warren I thought stay at home moms had ALL the time in the world...I mean what do they really do with all of that free time, anyway? Boy was I wrong. I was so busy at first- at least for the first 6 months, and now I am still busy, but since he takes naps and sleeps through the night I have time to quilt, craft, and heavens- read BOOKS! You are the English major, sister! Babies do take up a lot of time, but I agree with another comment that you definitely don't have to and shouldn't give up everything. I am running a ton and crafting and other things. Warren is a joy and cracks me up. Adjustments, happiness, motherhood, ahhhh. I am SO EXCITED for you and this little babe!
Oh, and can we get a belly shot PLEASE!? When is your due date again?
Do you know if the baby is a boy or a girl??!!
If you would care to hear my invalid opinion, read on:
I think you should spend your time at the spa. Get a pedicure, facial, pregnancy massage.
Also, BELLY SHOT! BELLY SHOT! BELLY SHOT! (Too be chanted loudly like a frat boy)
I'm glad you're feeling better. Cecil has become the slightly seasick sea serpent, huh?
Yes! What they said. :)
Okay, so apparently I'm the only one that gets bored. Seriously, playing with Legos over and over again does not thrill me. So here's what I've learned (and this probably applies more to an older child than a newborn): play in 15 minute sessions. Then take a break. A long break. It's much easier to play with a small child when you know it's only for 15 minutes. Then you can clean or cook or read or whatever for a while, then play again. Works for me, anyway. Good luck!
I'm not a stay-at-home mom but I did stay at home for 3 months before finding a job. I thought I was un-productive and bored, but now that I have a job I wish I could go back again! I particularly enjoyed getting books at the library and watching movies from Netflix. And even if I thought I didn't clean the house very well, it sure was a heck-of-a lot better than what I'm doing now!
Have you thought about starting a big art project? It could be for the baby's room or for no reason at all. But then you'd be able to spend your time being creative, which you are so good at!!
I believe once you have life with a baby it will get better. When I was working (only 3 days a week) I had to really work hard to keep myself busy, and then I still often felt like I was unproductive. But once you have a baby, your hold perspective and purpose changes! It's still been an adjustment for me to be home all the time, but the days do pass much faster, and it is so rewarding to be able to be home with Owen and see all the new things he does! I'm sure you will love it!
In the mean time....I agree with what other people have said. You could try to pick up a new hobby, read, go to the spa. I made Owen a baby blanket before he was born, and that took a lot of time! (esp. since I hadn't sewn much up to that point).
I'm glad you're not feeling so sick now though! Hopefully you are able to enjoy pregnancy, because it is such a fun and amazing time, and it will be over before you know it!!
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