Pregnant Again!

To:
Milo S. Johnson
House with the Yellow Door
St. Louis, MO

Dear Mr. Johnson,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected for promotion to the position of big brother. Over the past eleven months your performance in our home has been exemplary and we at Johnson Inc. feel you are by far the most qualified applicant for this desirable position.

As a big brother your duties will include sharing, teaching, teasing, whining, making messes, being patient, and various other tasks which may arise as you go about your business. Senior management has been favorably impressed by your progress in the past and trust that despite your young age you will be capable of fulfilling these duties with the same efficiency and poise with which you have performed in your previous position of "only child," such as cuteness, growth, silliness, and general sweetness.

We realize that this new position will require more of you than has been required in the past. And while we regret the initial inconvenience this may cause you, we believe that is in your best interest (and the best interest of the organization) that you take this opportunity to learn and grow and very likely become better prepared for further promotion within the company at a later date. Furthermore, we believe that the added opportunity for development and the addition of a playmate and friend will be more than adequate compensation for any discomfort you may suffer in the transition.

We believe the infant department at Johnson Inc. is among the best in the world and a key component to the company’s aggressive growth strategy. The expansion of this department will make a valuable contribution to the long-term success of the company.

We remind you that the position of big brother is not a supervisory position, and that the position does not come with the authority to dismiss, suspend, or discipline any member of your department, except upon the express direction of senior management. Any material disagreements or disputes within your department should immediately be brought to the attention of senior management, who exercises sole authority to take action, or to elect to take no action, to resolve such dispute.

Finally, we would like to commend and thank you for your association with our company. You have consistently pleased senior management by going above and beyond the requirements. We appreciate your unfailing ability to represent the company in the best possible manner. You truly are an asset to all who come in contact with you and we know that you will be extraordinary in your new position as big brother.

Training is to begin immediately and the new position will become official on November 14, 2010. Congratulations and best of luck in all your future endeavors!

Sincerely,

Emily Johnson
Chief Matriarchal Officer
Mommy
Board of Directors
Johnson Inc.

Matthew Johnson
Chief Patriarchal Officer
Daddy
Board of Directors
Johnson Inc.